It was confusing and full of hummus
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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