I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
