Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
