I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
