Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
