My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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