i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
