Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
