I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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