I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
40s are totally the cure
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
