My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
