3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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