i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
