Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
