never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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