you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize