my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
