I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize