don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
