I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
