Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
