Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
