i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
