Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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