Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You took a bar mat shot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
