...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
