I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
