I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
