I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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