you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
