sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
