I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
