yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
