Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
