So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
