I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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