i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
