the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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