oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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