a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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