i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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