I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
