Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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