at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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