He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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