i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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