mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
