the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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