She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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