ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
