you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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