You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
