I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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