How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
