You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
