i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
