Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
