So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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