jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
