Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
