You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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