here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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