I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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