yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
