Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
