Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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