Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize