Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
