I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
